Zveza po otroku.

Vsi vemo, da se zveza po tem, ko imaš otroka spremeni. Nimaš več toliko časa za zmenke, partner ti gre malo na živce in zveza hitro ni več to, kar je bila.
Veliko ljudi teh sprememb ne more prenesti in se razidejo.
In na nek način jih razumem. Res je težko, ko nimaš več časa zase in se vse spremeni.
Prvo leto je definitivno najtežje. Prilagoditi se moraš družinskemu življenju, dojenček ves čas potrebuje mamo in zato velikokrat zmanjka časa za zvezo. Ampak z vsakim mesecem gre na bolje. Malček postane bolj samostojen, hoditi začne v vrtec, lahko tudi prespi pri dedku ali babici, s parterjem pa imata več časa zase.
S Simonom sva v prvem letu kot nova starša našla kar nekaj načinov za vzdrževanje zveze in reševanje konfliktov in vse to še vedno redno počneva.
Vzameva si čas za naju.
Vsaj enkrat na teden Johana pustiva pri njegovi babici in greva na zmenek. Včasih greva na romantično večerjo, na dolg sprehod ali kaj spit, kdaj pa greva samo domov in se crkljava.
Dajeva si veliko komplimentov.
Simon mi vsak dan pove, kako sem lepa, jaz pa mu vsak dan povem, da ga ljubim in da izgleda super. Takšni majhni komplimenti so zelo pomembni, da te opomnijo, kako zelo svojega partnerja ceniš in ljubiš.
Delava majhne stvari, ki drugemu polepšajo dan.
Jaz mu skuham njegovo najljubšo večerjo in v trgovini vzamem čokolado, za katero vem, da jo obožuje, on pa mi pusti, da prespim jutro, ko se Johan zbudi zelo zgodaj.
Včasih majhne stvari naredijo največ.
Zelo veliko se objemava.
Objameva se vsaj desetkrat na dan. Objemi zvišajo raven oksitocina v krvi in takoj se počutiš bolj povezan s partnerjem in še bolj zaljubljen.
Trudiva se pogledati večjo sliko.
Ko se prepirava vedno poskusiva pomisliti ali imava resen problem ali pa sva mogoče samo utrujena in slabe volje in se zato pepirava. To reši veliko večino najinih prepirov, saj naju opomni, da je najina zveza bolj pomembna od umazane posode in dveh nogavic na tleh.
Smisel te objave je, da želim povedati, da vedno obstaja pot in načini, da se z partnerjem povežeš in izboljšaš zvezo.
Seveda pa so tudi situacije, kjer zvezi ni več pomoči. Če te patner ne spoštuje, te zmerja in ponižuje, ali pa je celo nasilen, potem veš, da je čas, da zvezo čimprej zaključiš.
Kot vedno, hvala za branje, poljupčki,
Melita Ivana xx.
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I often hear people say how their relationship changed after having a baby. They say that they don’t have time for each other anymore, that their partner started to annoy them and that it’s just not the same anymore.
A lot of people can’t handle the change and they break up.

And in a way I get them. It is hard, you have less time for your partner and even for yourself and your relationship changes.

The first year is definitely the hardest. You are still adapting as a family and the baby needs his mama all the time so alone time is usually not possible.
But then it gets easier. Your toddler will become more and more independent, he will probably start daycare, he will be able to sleep over at his grandparents house and you and your partner will have more time for yourself. 
But to get through the first year, here are some things me and Simon do, to nurture and care for our relationship.

We take time for ourselves.
At least once a week we leave Johan with his grandma and we go on a date. Sometimes we go out to eat, sometimes we go for a walk or we go out for drinks or we just go home and cuddle😉

We compliment each other all the time.
Simon tells me that I’m beautiful and that he loves me every single day. I tell him that he looks good and that I love him everyday. Little things like this are very important because they make you remember how much your partner cares for you and loves you.
We do little things for each other.
I make him his favorite dinner, he buys me a new book I wanted. He lets me sleep in when Johan wakes up early, I always buy his favorite chocolate when I go grocery shopping. Sometimes the little things make the biggest difference.

We hug a lot.
We probably hug at least 10 times a day. Hugging boosts oxytocin levels and you will feel even more connected and in love.

We try to see the bigger picture.
When we have a disagreement we try to think if we really have a problem or if we are just tired/annoyed or in a bad mood. This literally solves most of our arguments because it makes us remember that our relationship is more important than dirty dishes or the two socks on the floor.
My point is that if two people love and respect one another there is always a way and there are a lot of things you can do to connect again.
But of course there also situations that can’t always be solved. If you have a partner that disrespects you and humiliates you or if your partner is abusive in any way then, girl (or guy), it’s time to leave.
Thank you for reading, kisses,
Melita Ivana xx.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Zveza po otroku.

  1. Super objava! Poznam kar nekaj ljudi, ki zveze niso mogli (oz se niti niso potrudili) obdržati. Sama vidim otroka kot neko “lepilo”, ki samo še bolj utrdi zvezo.

    Me veseli, da ste tako srečna družinica ❤️ In Johan je res pravi mali šarmer, kaj le bo, ko odraste 🙈

    xx

    Like

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